Long Time No See

I feel like I have wasted my life. I feel like there is so much more to be done.

As I reflect upon everything that has happened, that I am able to remember, in the past 19 years... I feel this way. I honestly feel as if there is so much mroe for me to do. So much more for me to experience. And I have been wasting every minute of my life doing something that I could do any day of the week. I want to travel the world. I want to see sites that not many people have seen. I want to visit places that I have only dreamed of. It seems as if this massive country of ours has grown too small for me. I want more.

I look through some of my friends pictures on facebook or something like that, and all I see is them having fun; doing something; being somewhere. Look at my pictures.... Half of them are from World Of Warcraft and a few other things.

I'm growing restless.

I can't sleep because I know that there is more for me. More than I have done.

It's 5am on my birthday morning. I can't sleep. I feel so tired. But I can't get to bed.

Even more restless.

It was 2 am this morning when I saw what was going on. I sit on facebook. Play some Minecraft. And wait on the world to come to me. The only thing that is coming to me, is the cold wind, and shivers being sent up my spine. I can't just sit here any longer, I need out. I need to explore something other than this mundane every day lifestyle of mine. I just want to say everything I mean one day. Say it all, and see how the world around me changes. I want to say it, and do it.

I am 5 days from being a sophomore in college, and I don't know what I want to do with my life. Sure I say computers, but do I really want to do that? Do I really want to play with computers forever more?.... I guess this is all a means to an end. I go to school to learn, so I can buy myself food, to only die one day. I am doing this to sustain myself for the next 60 years... Is it worth it? Is it worth it if I don't do what I want? If I don't travel and see things I've always wanted to? No. It's not. However, If I am able to see things that I have only seen in magazines. See things that are only in our imaginations.... then life is worth living through. It is worth school. It is worth the hardships.

I feel as If I am tied to an anchor and am slowly sinking into the ocean... an ocean that won't ever let me leave.... an ocean that will cover me up with it's waves and years, until that one day, when it's all done, and I can say for myself one of two things.

I have fought the good fight, I broke the chains on this anchor, and nothing held me back. I did what I've wanted. I have fought the good fight. I saw the world, and met her people. I have seen it all, and I am ready to retire for good.

If this is not what I am to say at the end of this life time... I dread hearing what I will hear.

It's 5 am on my birthday morning, and I am contemplating life.
What a birthday.